The name change seems timely... It just didn't make sense to say "Without Reason" when referring to my thoughts! There is always a reason, sometimes it's just harder to figure out what it is.

I got into the "elite" Beta of Google+ this week, and I think I am in love! There are no time wasting games, easy access to news on topics I'm interested in (They call it "Sparks") and you can save topics to a list for easy access. It is free from mind-numbing stupidity still, and I hope it stays that way! Unlike Facebook (which has it's own Google+ profile btw) you can divide up your "friends" into groups, and decide which groups you want to share your posts with, have group discussions/chats, share +1's (recommend websites w/ 1 click) and so much more. I think it's biggest advantage (outside of just being new) over Facebook, is going to be the simplicity of organizing people into groups for networking and oh so many other purposes.

In my quest to be a more positive person, I have decided that rather than dwell on people who choose not to be part of my life I am going to LIVE my life. I managed to free myself from several long held illusions of what things should be like, and am definitely happier because of it. I have always been willing to help a friend in need; but at some point I expect the same in return. For a long time I struggled with the idea that the majority of my friends were people whom I met through my husband; and not the "friends" I grew up with. I've outgrown that issue now, and have refocused on getting to know people who live in our area; and maybe participate in the same outdoor activities we do. Other parents, either those whose children who are already friends with ours, or those who our kids interact with through wrestling, school, or the summer rec. program in town. Sorting out the class from the trash has been pretty easy, at least where some are concerned; like the girls who decided that ganging up on one of my kids (3 against 1) and kicking them, or a 5th grader punching a 1st grader in the balls was acceptable. That was a no brainer right there!

We have many many things to think about, like one of our children; who met the diagnosis requirements for Aspergers, but now that we've gotten that far, he is showing signs that perhaps we were wrong about what was causing his odd behaviors, he will repeat 4th grade in the fall. We decided that he was not on par with where he needed to be to move on to middle school, lacking organizational skills, reading comprehension skills (not even close to being 5th grade level), and beginning to lose ground in math because he cannot understand word problems as normal kids do. We regret how long it has taken us to come to this decision, we didn't realize there was an underlying factor to why he was performing inconsistantly at the time, and thought that if we pushed him harder, he could do better.

As far as this morning goes, I must be off; lots to do, and not a ton of time to get it done!

Gushing with eagerness;
unable to please them
wanting to be close; but pushing away

The balance between self and others
unfathomable in my mind.
Anxiety and paranoia surrounding me
whilst I attempt to feel like I belong

to something bigger; a group;
a cause. Seeking meaning and purpose
obsessing over what I see as my failures
rarely seeing my successes outside of a
gradebook.

There is no gradebook for life.