The snow is falling, deeper deeper
burying the world in a temporary quiet
lasting not but one day.

For that one day, the world will be
peaceful, quiet fun
The kids will scream and run
sledding down an imaginary hill

I sit and wait for spring to come
no more snow, I want to play
to walk to the park to play with
friends, then comes summer
we'll play some more,
when autumn comes we'll rake the
leaves, and jump on the
imagined monsters.

Once again comes winter,
the snowy, icy winter
And I will sit and wait for spring.

Stress is growing
brother phoning
from the sandy war zone
telling tales of racing
hum-vees through the desert

possible mine field,
come back when it's
known to be safe.
Don't bring the kids with you
especially the boy, don't want
them anywhere near the Army
he tells me.

It's 6am here, what time
in Najaf? Remote control
car got him in trouble, made
people angry, but the kids
there chased it around
had fun.

Can't wait for the brother
to be home safe. Can't wait
to be sure he's ok.
Hoping that the other
brother will grow up

30 Words

I'm drunk as hell
and sleep I fight as
30 words I try to
write

Tortilla chips
stuck in my teeth
I want to eat more
but I'd rather sleep.

looks like I've
gone over the limit
30 words,
I'm too involved
I want to write
all my thoughts

my neice is talking
in the hall
"NO"
she says "Nope!"

One last smoke before I sleep
one more nicotine fix
to calm my nerves
to help me rest

One more smoke before I wake
one more drag to smooth the day
one more hour before the kids

When will I stop with this horrible
habit, ripping at me,
making me weak

good night

Late at night
he's still not back.
I'll kill him when I see him

It's morning and the kids are
awake, still not back.
His daughter is up, he's not here
I'll kill him when he walks in here.

The phone rings
he's been put in Detox
I don't know what happened

Hubby went to pick him up
It was like it was a joke
His car has been impounded

Alcohol and stupidity
Strike again.

Isn't it strange watching people today
Common sense nonsense
the meaning is lost on youth

well, I've been really caught up in the Paper Doll Stories lately, and it seems to be turning out quite well to be honest. Of course, we're still working on the notes, but we're making progress. If you haven't already checked it out you should, it can get quite confusing, but they're notes still. I think it's quite interesting. Sort of a sci-fi thing, but much more than that also. here's a link to the Paper Doll Stories

sleepy, wanting my bed
first time I've slept on my back
last night, the best sleep yet
never wanting it to end
yet time to wake up

Children are trouble
getting into things
they shouldn't
it's time to get up

I confess that I
have fallen in love,
and hope never
to fall out of it.
Finally I have found
the one, the man I'll
be with forever, whose
children I will give birth to
and raise them together with.
Behind me I will put my sins,
as ancient history.
Every day I wish he was
with me to wake up with,
and hug and kiss. In
only one week I knew for sure
when we went to Geneseo
drinking, I had found
the perfect guy.

6\4\99

So easily you held me
while salt ran down my face
I look into eyes as deep
as wonderland when Alice
ventured there. So easily,
the daisies bloom, innocent
sweet and fragile too.
The truth of my heart
is a daisy, gloriously in bloom.

Avon

Grass pricks my
skin as I lay in
the circular park
under an oak tree
trying to be a
christmas decoration
at the end of May.

Hendrix in my ears
Soft silky breeze
covers my face
I gaze at my surrpundings
and this is what I see
layered geletin, with one
white berry near the center
The bowl it's carried in
is covered with green cheese
swiss in origin many paths
drawn on it by all the mice
which live there.

Stabbed in the center
of my custard filled heart
with a spoon
I watch he scoop
out ceamy custard
and eat it in my face

I am delirious from
the pain she caused
begin to see candles
lit and burning everywhee
aromatherapy meant
to calm my nerves
end the pain
and she orders the scent
to bury me inside myself

written may 6, 1999

Graceland is a memory
of new and old and in-between
mellow rain and thoughtless
deepness; inner being
water flowing under trees;
sickness, health, maternity
Leaving, new nest building;
old egg hatching,
kitchen rat cat; back scratching
tenderness in higher places;
nailpolish fade-away cream saves
world peace.

Look for a sign that times are changing without your knowledge
Lions everywhere catching prey and scents on air
Fear filled shadows needing comfort from the hiding signs
End the pain
Begin the life
Begin thinking about growing up

Can someone decorate my life with love, tenderness and care? Where do I find such an Angel when I feel I may stick in this wretched place I now call home? Will it not be wretched everywhee, until I find my love? Am I so pathetic all I write about is my joys and sorrows, and my echoing wish to be free? Yes, and I do care, but cannot yield to write what will not find itself in my heart, as truly meaningful.

(I did find him, I married him, and I wouldn't change a thing)

The world I see has changed so drastically in this town. People who I thought I knew drugs run this place in my face my friends aren't who they used to be. Loyalty no longer stands, I feel a sort of grief at what is going on, at how I feel my youth is through, 19 yeas and after only one, I feel there is no point in partying each night, at all even I want to break ties with these people but for a few, how can this be the end?

As I walked out into the glow eminating from the moon and stars which hang gently feather light from invisible threads telling every little thing touched by the glow, a different message, telling me life goes on, always changing. Experience things as they come, not passing judgement, but trying to find a lesson in each mishap, each breath; before it's over.

I've found in my notebook, a quote that has stuck with me for ages.
"If there is ever any doubt, there is no doubt." I believe it came from the movie 'Ronin'

As these words pour
Out of my soul I
Realize that without
This outlet the
Journey to self-discovery
Could never occur,
And I thank my creators
Who gave me this
Privledge, to help me
Find the hidden one
Deep inside and move on
From self-pity to
Self-actualization.